The Latest from the Dark Side
August 15, 2009 | Written by admin
As an agent, you never know what you're going to get when you open your in-box. I've had screeds, odd ramblings, and notes from every conspiracy wacko imaginable (One person revealed to me that "Jimmy Carter is the antichrist!" Um… Jimmy Carter?). So I thought you'd appreciate hearing some interesting stuff.
First, I would like everyone to know that I must be very important, since this week I was sent a proposal from (drumroll please…) the Archangel Gabriel! No kidding. A writer got in touch with me this week to say that she channels the Archangel Gabriel on a daily basis, and that he would be speaking to me that very night. Who knew?
Second, and speaking of nutjobs, a good agent buddy revealed that HE had received a proposal about "how to have sex in space." Woo-hoo! I'm sure it's all the rage among those with a billion dollars in their pocket.
Third, I have a proposal on my my desk that "proves" Hillary Clinton is the antichrist. ("Do not be fooled by the bishops who teach otherwise," it warns. So I'm wondering if the Jimmy Carter supporters are to be believed. It's a neck-and-neck race at this point in the antichrist campaign, apparently.)
All of this comes as a shock to me, since I've been fairly well convinced that Neil Diamond is the antichrist. He is, after all, the one who penned these words: "I am, I said. To no one there. And no one heard at all, not even the chair." (Those are deeply stupid words. And read backwards, at slow speeds, you can hear Neil moaning, "Kiss me, Satan!")
Fourth, there's hope for all you loser guys, since I am now in possession of "How to Make Out with Chicks" (and no, I'm not making up that title). I'm fairly confident the author is not old enough to drink, which means it's not from the same guy who sent me "How to Pick Up Chicks" a few years ago. And sorry, but I'm not going to loan this one out until I've done my own research. Thoroughly.
Fifth, if nothing else, THIS should prove to you that some people in the church are crazy:
Okay, I'm going to go put some fresh aluminum foil on my head…